Married and Cheating: You May Never Get This Back

After countless denials even after being presented with the evidence, your spouse finally admits they have been cheating on you. Then come the mind games. You are the reason they went looking for love in all the wrong places. If only you had made the extra effort to understand their desires and needs. You inform them that you did make the extra effort and tried everything within your power to converse and keep the lines of communication open; the problem is they never reciprocated.

Then sooner or later they reach for one of the oldest tricks in the marriage infidelity book. Whether the affair happened a year, a month or one hour ago, the cheating spouse now resorts to the hurt victim routine. "Okay it happened, it's over. How long are you going to hold it against me? Can't we just forget it and move on? You know how I feel about you."

Their maybe a different variation on these quotes and the time frame may even extend to years since the extramarital affair took place but what that statement makes crystal clear is they still don't get it.

Number one it's hard to forget about cheating on a spouse when it is without a doubt the definitive act of betrayal in a relationship. The hurt cuts deep and no matter how tough many of us play it, we cannot just cut our emotions on and off like some kind of switch. While it is true that you may (and should) move past the betrayal and even forgive your spouse and build a stronger relationship, you are not ever going to forget it. A cheating spouse that does not accept this is not dealing with reality.

But the main reason countless relationships come to an end or are never the same after an extramarital affair becomes known is that the bond holding marriages together has been destroyed. Trust.

The early part of a relationship usually has plenty of romance, fun and excitement. As two people grow more intimate, it is only natural that trust take its rightful place within the relationship. Trying to build a life together without it is next to impossible. But having it taken away from you because of someone's thoughtlessness and selfishness is excruciating.

Of course it is not just the physical. That is where way too many a cheating spouse starts and ends their reasoning process. They really do not get the fact that every investment the both of you made into the relationship has been wiped out. Losing the time, energy and financial is part of the equation but more than anything material, it is the emotional and spiritual investment which are the real casualties. How do you get them back? Sure a very good marriage counselor or clergy can help you through the process but you know they cannot restore what was never in their power to give.

Forgiving an extramarital affair takes a lot of strength and courage which many of us may have but are not willing to utilize. That's understandable since there is aura of finality to cheating on a spouse. Yet even if you can bring yourself to forgive wholeheartedly and work like crazy to continue the relationship, there will always be nagging questions that will pop up from time to time. Breaking a trust will do that.

By Daryl Campbell
Source : http://www.free-articles-zone.com/article/144626

Did you See It Before the Wedding?

by: Len Stauffenger



Most of us grew up with parents. During our growing up years, we formed a lot of ideas of what a perfect relationship would be like by watching what our parents did, and in particular, what our parents did not do that we wish they had. We knew what perfect parents would be like. We would be those perfect parents. We had an idea of a perfect marriage. We would have a perfect marriage. We spent upwards of 25 years working to create our perfect life. Some of us achieved that. Some of us enjoyed it for a while. And then some of us got slammed by divorce.

Things didn't turn out quite the way we had envisioned. The little details that we didn't even know existed turned out to be so important in our perfect scheme of things. He could be totally handsome, once one of our main must-haves. She could be a total fox, another imperative. But when we married him or her, there were just so many things we did not take into consideration: their annoying little habits, their mystifying flaws. Our perfect schemes glossed over these little details.

And after the divorce hits us, we have to ask ourselves: Was I aware of this in her or him before we married?Be honest enough to see if you were like this. You probably were a wonderful wife and excelled in that part but maybe your mate simply couldn't see it and thus, couldn't be complimentary about it. And you're thinking, how was I responsible for our divorce? My question to you would be, "Whatever flaws your ex had, was there any sign of them before you got married? Or before you had children? Was there anything you consciously or unconsciously ignored or blinded yourself to?" Your responsibility may be nothing more than the fact that you knew he was selfish but you married him anyway. Sometimes, very simple decisions or the failure to make a decision can cause very harsh consequences. Unfortunately, this is the way the world works. It can happen again, so aren't you better off understanding that your subtle decision to ignore his faults had a profound impact on your life? If you understand that, if you take responsibility for that piece of it, then you won't make that mistake again.

This is a lesson that applies to everything that makes you unhappy in your life, whether it's your boss, your lover or your children. Don't do what everyone else does which is to blame the other person or the situation. In lieu of blaming, ask yourself what your position was in all of this? How am I causing this or contributing to this. Please try to focus on the fact that this is not about who's wrong; it's really more about consequences.

When you get this, it's a wonderful tool for your life because it allows you to solve your problems. This isn't about fault; it's really more about self-discovery. The more you know about yourself and the reasons for your actions and your motivation, the more satisfying and fulfilling your life becomes because you're no longer operating on automatic pilot.

Can you be responsible about the role you played. Because, if you are responsible about how you contributed, it will touch other spaces in your life, and even better, you can share with your kids how easily true responsibility benefits them. And don't they deserve your very best? Who knows? You might be helping them to create the perfect relationship leading to the perfect marriage and becoming the perfect parent you thought you would be.

source : http://www.articlecity.com

Make Your Beach Wedding Reception Unique

By: Mohdamir Hasan

A beach wedding reception is an creative way to celebrate your wedding day, so use your imagination when it comes to the food, beach favors, and wedding attire. Most brides wear a more casual wedding dress, and choose to have their hair down or informally styled for the ceremony and reception. You can tie in the wedding colors and floral arrangements with one dominant flower that repeats itself throughout the decor. For example, a bold pink orchid will tie together your wedding dress with the decor if you wear one in your hair or place one single stem in a decorated vase on each white tablecloth. Vary the time of day for a twist on the beach wedding reception. The majority of beach weddings take place at sunset, but what about sunrise? Serve pastries, coffee, and fresh juices to guests. Have tables decorated with light blue, green or pink accents, and put up beach umbrellas to shade guests in the height of the morning sunshine. How far you want to go with beach theme wedding decorations and favors is up to you. Some couples opt to keep their ceremony very elegant, with subtle wedding decorations, such as fresh flowers or torches in the sand. Others have fun with the beach theme, and have starfish and seahorse candleholders on the tables, or give flip-flop key chains as beach wedding favors. Remember that there are no rules when it comes to your beach wedding reception, so choose what makes you happy! The food at a beach wedding reception can also range from a sit down dinner to a lunch buffets. If you're looking for a budget-friendly option, have a wedding lunch with hamburgers, cold salads, and fruit. Cut costs by serving soda or punch as drinks, rather than having a full bar. However, if you prefer a more glamorous beach wedding, a candlelit meal with fresh seafood and other gourmet dishes may be a better fit. Wear whatever you are comfortable in. If you want to attend your beach wedding reception in a tank top and shorts, go for it! Or, check out some of the shorter wedding gowns that are in style right now, which are perfect for a day at the beach. Whatever you decide on for your beach wedding style, let your personality shine through to make your reception unique.

Article Source: http://www.ArticleBiz.com

How to Keep Your Marriage Strong While Running a Small Business

How to Keep Your Marriage Strong While Running a Small Business

By: Heather Ledeboer

If you are in business for yourself chances are good that you enjoy what you do, at least we hope that you do because after all, you got yourself into it. If you are married, chances are good that you love your spouse; at least we hope that you do, again—you got yourself into it. So what happens when you try to mix two loves—your business and your marriage—can they survive? I believe the answer to be a resounding, yet qualified, YES. However, to effectively get to the "yes" there are going to be two "knows" you will have to be willing to hear first: Know your spouse. People are about as varied as the businesses that cater to them. What type of person are you married to? Do they enjoy business as much as you do? Do they enjoy talking with you about your business? Do they support you and get excited to hear about your goals and visions in the area of business? If the answer is yes, this road will likely be much smoother because they will be willing to walk down it with you and perhaps even help pave the way for you. I am blessed to have a husband that not only enjoys the subject of business but has had a few of them himself and is happy to discuss the topic with me at great lengths. Not everyone is like this, if my husband didn’t enjoy discussing business, I would have to be willing to find another source of support for this area and focus on the areas that he is equipped to help me with without expecting him to give more than he is able. Know yourself. Are you able to be sensitive to the needs of your spouse and perspective to their feelings even when you are wrapped up in your work? Will you notice if they are starting to feel neglected and unappreciated? Do you notice when they put in extra effort to help you meet a deadline? This past weekend my husband helped me from 9:00-12:00AM organizing my inventory. This was a selfless act of love on his part. I am blessed that we both love to organize but my passion and drive to do this was my business, whereas his drive was his desire to show me love. Looking back, I can see that although I told him thank you and was really thankful for his help, I likely didn’t express this nearly as clearly as I should have. The night we were working was very cold as was the shop we were working in. It was wonderful to have him out there with me rather than to be working alone. It made my job not only faster but much more enjoyable. He could have been choosing to do any one of a number of things but choosing to help me meant a lot. Later I made a point to tell him how much it meant to me. Ok on to our "Yes’s": Say Yes to Communication. Be willing to discuss your business and how you both feel about it and do this regularly. Be honest and upfront and encourage your spouse to do the same. Don’t assume that just because they were excited about your business when you started that their enthusiasm will not waiver down the road. The beauty of a good marriage is they way you can give and take support when needed and hopefully you are able to be strong for each other at the times needed most in your business. Say Yes to Time Together. If you have kids you likely know how helpful it can be to enjoy a date night with your spouse alone. You both need time away from your business as well. Decide together what activities you can enjoy together that doesn’t involve your business. Plan how often you would like to enjoy these activities together and make a point to do it. Say Yes to Saying "No". Part of being a successful business owner is knowing when to delegate. This can often be one of the hardest steps to take early on as we all know that no one can run your business as good as you can. The same can also be true of your marriage however as no one can be as good of a spouse to your mate as you can. You can always find another employee if the first one doesn’t work out. The same cannot be said of your spouse so be smart enough to recognize when you begin to need help from others to run your business successfully and do it! I believe that business owners have the chance to dip into the best of both worlds: business and pleasure; they simply need to do so knowing how those steps affect those they love. Keep an open mind and tuned ear toward your most important "business partner" and you will both find the success to be sweeter than imagined because it is shared.

Article Source: http://www.ArticleBiz.com